


You Really Should Call Your Mother More

by Animal_Arithmetic



Series: Upon These Golden Sands I Built My House of Dreams [19]
Category: Supernatural, The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College, Humor, M/M, Mama Jaskier, asshole professor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:22:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22777867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animal_Arithmetic/pseuds/Animal_Arithmetic
Summary: Sam takes a music throughout history course and his professor brings up Jaskier.And is very, very wrong.And Sam can't keep his mouth shut.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Upon These Golden Sands I Built My House of Dreams [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614880
Comments: 34
Kudos: 619





	You Really Should Call Your Mother More

**Author's Note:**

> For badwolfchild and Breyito <3 Thanks lol

Sam sighed, sinking into his chair and wishing the floor would swallow him up just so he could leave. Deciding to move to California for school to go to Stanford hadn’t really been the best idea, really. He was so far away from home that he couldn’t see his family except for the breaks. So, he had taken the music throughout history class because he missed home and, in particular, his mom, and he had thought the class would fill in the void of homesickness until he could see them again. 

He was so very wrong. 

Professor Afton was a complete and utter snide, pretentious dick. If you made a simple mistake he would ridicule you in front of class—fortunately without giving names, but he would look at the student frequently enough that everyone knew who he was talking about anyway. 

And this week they were talking about modern artists who had taken influences from historical musicians and whatever. 

Sam just knew that they would talk about mom. 

Sure enough, halfway through the lecture, the professor stated, “And now we’ll talk about one of the most popular musicians in today’s world who uses historical musical theories for their work: Julian Pankratz, or more commonly known as Jaskier.”

Sam tried his hardest to hold back a groan. Talking about mom was only making the void bigger in his chest. And he knew all this already. Mom had just reused his old songs from his first life, and, apparently, before dad had come along during his second life a few of the songs had slipped through the memory block, or whatever. Very few were ones he had written recently.

“ _The Drowner_ is a great example,” continued the professor. Sam sighed. He hated that song so much. He wanted to tune it out, but it might be hilarious to see whatever “theory” Professor Afton had regarding his mom. “It’s played on a lute, suggesting nostalgia. And the entire song is a metaphor of the singer being depressed and idealizing suicide by drowning until a white haired individual steps in and pulls them back from the edge, 'saving them', which was a very common theme in the High Middle Ages, as we've been talking about."

He drew in a quick breath, but Sam just couldn't let him get away with such a _wrong_ assessment of the song. He accidentally let out a loud laugh, but when the professor glared at him he just grinned and said, "Sorry, but you're _really_ wrong about that. There's no metaphor. It's literally about Drowners, or a type of monster, drowning people and The White Wolf saving them."

Professor Afton glared at him. "Ah. Samuel Rivia." God, how Sam hated how he said his name. "And how would you know?" he asked with a sneer. "Do you possess a doctorate in musical theory or history?"

Sam raised an eyebrow and scoffed. The nerve of this guy! "No, but I was there when he wrote it. He asked me what rhymes with pond." He tried not to shudder thinking about the day mom had come up to him, notebook in hand, asking for his help because "your brother and father are useless with words. I need something to rhyme with pond that isn't correspond. I'm writing a _song_ , not a business e-mail!"

The professor stared at him.

Sam sighed and said, perhaps a little too loud, "Julian Pankratz is my mom."

Whoops. He hadn't meant to let the mom part slip out. He winced, waiting for whatever the professor had to say about _that_.

"Julian Pankratz is a man," Professor Afton said with a victorious, snide smile.

Sam just sighed and rolled his eyes. " _Yes_. I'm well aware. Long story short, my birth mom died and he helped my dad raise me and my brother who was mute because he watched her die and letting him call Jaskier 'mom' was the only thing that really made him speak again and then it just became a _thing_ and we never got out of the habit. So, yeah, he's my mom. Plus he gets _really_ mad if you try to call him our dad." 

The lecture hall was dead silent. The students were staring at him. Professor Afton was staring at him. Hell, even the _clock_ was probably staring at him.

"So," Sam continued, "my mom and dad play Dungeons and Dragons." It was sort of true, anyway, and it was hilarious to watch. But it was also a great cover because mom could claim the songs were about their DnD campaigns. "And a lot of his songs are about their adventures in their campaigns. My dad has this character he always plays called the White Wolf. Oh yeah," he said with a smirk when his professor continued to stare at him, "there's also euphemisms to his sex life in there. With my dad."

Professor Afton continued to stare at him. The students weren't any different.

"They're, like, really gay for each other. Like, ninety percent of my mom's songs and poems are about my dad."

"I—You—"

"I can call him if you don't believe me." He was already pulling out his cell phone and bouncing down the steps, trying to contain his glee. It wasn't every day you could one-up Professor Afton, after all.

The phone was already ringing and on speakerphone by the time he got down to the podium. Mom picked up on the fourth ring with a shrill, "Sammy? Sweet pea? What's wrong?"

Oh. Yeah. Sam winced. He had forgotten that mom would have gotten worried if he called during class. Luckily only Professor Afton and maybe one or two others in the front row might be able to hear the whole conversation. "Nothing's wrong, mom," he said quickly to try to quell mom's fears. "It's just—We're talking about you in class. You're on speakerphone, by the way."

"What? What class?"

"Music throughout history. Professor Afton was telling the class how _The Drowner_ is about idealizing suicide or some bullshit."

" _What?!_ Is the man stupid?"

"Mom—he's right here. He can hear you."

"I don't give a fuck!" mom yelled. "He thinks it's about _suicide_? You think it's about suicide? It's about monsters killing people and Geralt saving them! You complete and utter—"

"How—How do I know you're actually Julian Pankratz?" Professor Afton asked, glaring back at Sam as if his mom cursing him out was all _his_ fault. 

"Oh for fuck's sake," muttered mom. " _Geralt!_ "

There was indistinct yelling on the other side. Sam looked out over the lecture hall, noticing how each face looked awestruck or dumbfounded about the whole ordeal. Sam couldn't care less. He just wanted to knock Professor Afton down a peg or two. 

A deep, grumbling voice crackled through the tiny speaker. "What do you want, Jask?"

"Sammy's on the phone. His... _professor_ doesn't believe who I am!"

There was a crackle across the speakers as dad signed near the phone. "What, that you're really Julian Pankratz, but go by Jaskier because you love the flower and your heritage? How the hell are you supposed to prove that over the phone?"

"Aha! I'll just fly out there! I haven't seen Sammy in so long..."

"He was just here a few weeks ago for spring break..."

"You don't love your own child?"

"I didn't say that."

"You don't miss him?"

"I didn't say that, either."

"You sure aren't saying a lot of things—"

"Mom! Focus!" But they continued to bicker. "JULIAN PANKRATZ."

"You _know_ I hate that name! Don't _call_ me that! I shouldn't have ever told you my name," he grumbled. "You and your brother, both. Just call me mom! Oh, I know! _Toss a coin to your witcher_ —ow! _Ger_ alt. That was unnecessary."

"You know I hate that song."

"You hate all my songs—"

"On the contrary, I think the one about my c—"

" _Dad. Speakerphone. Professor_ ," Sam hissed out, trying his best to cover the speaker because he knew _exactly_ which song dad liked best.

He looked up to his professor, who looked completely stunned and was staring at his phone in awe.

"That's really Jaskier?" he asked reverently.

Sam rolled his eyes. Oh, great. Professor Afton was a fan. "Yeah. He's a total nerd and totally head over heels in love with my dad and makes lots of really annoying songs about it."

"I heard that!"

"Loveyoumomthanksbye!"

"Don't you dare hang up—"

Sam pressed end, feeling victorious. He had successfully annoyed his mom, his professor was stunned stupid, and the void in his chest wasn't quite so big.

And. Well. If his grade was higher than it probably should have been at the end of the semester, probably due to his relation to Jaskier—

Well. Sam wasn't going to complain.

* * *

BONUS

**Jerk > Bitch**

**Jerk**

What did you do to mom?

**Bitch**

What are you talking about

**Jerk**

He called me crying and kept saying something about your professor and that he's famous enough to be talked about in Stanford?

I'm not sure

It's very confusing

I think you broke him

**Bitch**

Oh

That

Yeah

So

My professor was doing an "analysis" on the drowner and was super wrong (said it was about depression/suicide?????)

And so I said he was wrong

And he didn't believe me about mom

So I called him

I think my professor is a fanboy

**Jerk**

.................

I have no words

* * *

BONUS 2

Jaskier: *doing the Dom eyebrow raise* Crowley, I want—

Crowley: *flinches* yes yes anything you want

Jaskier: *happily* great! Go to the past and drop these off in a prestigious college! 😊

Crowley: .......... I hate you

Jaskier: what was that?

Crowley: NOTHING I’LL JUST BE GOING NOW

Geralt: *unimpressed* Jask, what the fuck are you doing

Jaskier: LET ME LIVE DAMN IT

Geralt: Crowley, no.


End file.
